By Dr. Jim Bailey, drjim@drjimbailey.com
Due to many reasons, I officially closed my business at the end of last year. I applied and interviewed for jobs for 10 weeks, only to hear “We really like you but have decided to go another direction.” That’s HR speak for “You’re really nice and you seem smart, but you’re way too old.” Finally, in mid-March, my wife said one of the nicest things ever spoken to me: “You’re retired.”
I’m settling into retirement life, but many of my peers are struggling with it. As soon I tell them I’m retired, they ask, “What are you up to now?” I generally respond, “Whatever I want to do,” but that causes frowns and puzzled looks. You’d think I’d actually said “Raising tadpoles.” The thought of retiring without a clear answer to “what’s next?” is a source of fear, anxiety, or general distress for a lot of people.
I used to tell my clients, “In America, we define ourselves (our identities) by what we do, but a healthier way to live is to let who you are define what you choose to do.” The typical American way has work supplying your mission, rhythm, reason to show up, and a structure for understanding who you are. If that’s how you define yourself, then when the structure of your work disappears, your sense of self and well-being are at risk of crashing.
Defining the purpose of your time after you retire isn’t a matter of setting a rigid schedule or a longer chore list. It’s clearly naming the things that dictate your commitments. It answers questions like: To whom or what am I responsible? When will I show up? How will I measure progress? Paid or unpaid, public or private, big or small – the point is not constant productivity but a stable identity, meaningful engagement, and enough structure to make the weeks feel intentional.
Retirement is a major role transition. We don’t just retire from a job – we retire from a role. If work carried your identity, status, social contact, and sense of usefulness, losing it can feel disorienting. Many people adjust best by intentionally strengthening other roles (family, community, mentor) or building new ones.
Your challenge isn’t reinventing yourself; it’s maintaining a sense of purpose. Continuity beats reinvention. Rather than becoming someone totally different, carry forward what already works for you – values, interests, relationships, and strengths – then adapt them to a new schedule. If you were a “builder” at work, build through service projects; if you were a “problem-solver,” join a board or coach a team, and so on.
Activity helps, but only if it feels meaningful. Staying engaged is good for well-being, but “busy” isn’t the same as “fulfilled.” Activities that connect you to people, purpose, or progress are the ones you’d genuinely miss.
A defined task creates healthy structure. Scheduling commitments – volunteering, mentoring, or part-time work – will replace some things work provided: time discipline, social connection, and a clear way to contribute. That structure can reduce aimlessness and make it easier to build new routines.
Defining yourself to define your retirement isn’t rocket science. Start with this simple list:
• Name your priorities (God, family, community, service, activity, sharing wisdom, etc.).
• Write a one-sentence mission statement. “I exist to ______ by ______ so that ______.”
• Define ways to measure your mission attainment.
• Choose a doable cadence. Start small (often 2-6 hours/week) and scale later.
• Pick progress markers (hours served, sessions completed, chapters written, people helped).
• Calendar it for 8 weeks. Treat it like an appointment, not a mood-based option.
• Add social connections and supports. A partner, team, or group increases follow-through.
• Review and adjust. Keep it, scale it, or swap it – continuity doesn’t mean staying stuck.
Redefine when and how you apply yourself based on your personal values and priorities:
• Volunteer with a set schedule and clearly defined tasks and expectations.
• Mentor, coach, or lead apprenticeships, small-businesses, or youth sports to keep your “expert” identity without the full-time grind.
• Find a bridge or anchor job for a few mornings a week with enough structure but not a second career.
• Serve your family with clear boundaries – set childcare or elder-support times so they’re predictable and sustainable.
• Focus on your health – set up an activity plan (walking, cycling, strength, pickleball, etc.) with goals; make it measurable and goal-based.
• Learn with a target – work toward a certification, develop a portfolio, or generate a family- genealogy; tie your learning to a deliverable.
• Community leadership – committee work, board service, or neighborhood readiness – replaces status with contribution.
Planning for retirement usually focuses only on the financial question “Will I have enough?,” but how you spend your time day-to-day is equally important. Understanding yourself and your priorities (who you are) allows you to define your retirement activities (what you do) in a way that supports identity, continuity, and meaningful activity. All human beings need a sense of meaning and purpose, even in retirement. Doing the hard work of establishing what’s most important to you will help you build meaning and purpose into your retirement years.