By Andy Barton
May was Mental Health Awareness Month. This means something different to each of us. For some, it’s more acute and sometimes tragic. For many, it’s just another month. However, we should all be cognizant of our own mental health and that of those we care about. How many of us have days where we just feel off, something doesn’t turn out as planned and thus affects us negatively, or we simply find ourselves in the everyday grind? Unfortunately, these feelings are often brushed off as “life.”
Thankfully, mental health is elastic for many of us. We experience a setback, suffer mentally, and rebound relatively quickly. Put this in terms of a rubber band. Our everyday is like the rubber band at rest. We occasionally get stretched mentally by a negative feeling or experience, like the rubber band being stretched around a stack of paper. But remove that tension, and our mental health returns to its original condition just like the rubber band. This can happen over and over again. Eventually though, the rubber band doesn’t return to its original size. It becomes less elastic and brittle over time. Sometimes the result is dramatic. If it becomes terribly twisted without being immediately untwisted, it may never be quite the same. Other times, the result is considerably more dramatic. The rubber band breaks when you stretch it, smacks you in the hand, and no amount of effort can make it whole. We will all experience stretching to an extent. Some will leave this world fully intact, some broken, and most of us in between to varying degrees.
This is why we each need our One. The One can be a spouse, parent, therapist, trusted friend, confidante, pastor, etc. It could even be an organization such as Compassion Counseling in Blount County. Whoever it may be, it’s who can help center our mind, keep the stretching manageable, and thus allow us to retain our shape for much longer. It’s the One we reach for when we are getting twisted or about to break. Your One will always be there for you.
September 10, 2021, was the hardest day of my and my wife’s life. It’s the day she called on me to fulfill my responsibilities as her One in the most urgent of circumstances. You see, she had been struggling with mental health for some time, and that day in September was the day her rubber band almost broke. She told me she was having severe catastrophic thoughts and had a plan to act upon them. We immediately got her the help she needed and have spent the last almost three years working to understand how and why she got there. Each day since has been a blessing – even the hard days. We now have an opportunity to celebrate her “other” birthday every year. The alternative is just too painful to imagine and what too many people experience daily.
Finding your One is just the first step. Often the most difficult step is realizing the trust that can be placed in this person and stripping our pridefulness to allow it. I spent most of my life thinking I could handle everything on my own – and often could. However, I didn’t realize just how much I was being stretched until I humbled myself enough to know I could be better as a person, a husband, and a father if I just allowed my barriers to crumble and receive the help I previously didn’t know I needed. I thank God I have not only one, but three people in my life who fill this role. One is my wife. The others, my father and mother. I spent years struggling in ways I shouldn’t have because I was too full of pride. While I still do not utilize them as much as I could, there is extreme comfort in knowing I can trust them to help me when needed. I am now a better person and more mentally healthy because of this personal epiphany.
Needing help is not a weakness. It also does not disqualify you from being someone else’s One. While not always easy, it is worthwhile and rewarding in so many ways so be open to taking on the role. Look, watch, and listen proactively for the opportunity. Be the One who makes the difference!
Lastly, please seek help from your One when you need it. Dial 988 if you need to. Be vulnerable and honest with that person. It will be ok. Your life, or a life precious to you, may be in the balance. And always remember you matter more than you know!
A native of Maryville, Andy Barton is the Director of Residential Operations at CertaPro Painters of East Tennessee.