By Dr. Jim Bailey
In my last article, I talked about identifying and moving toward the deeper longings we have for our lives – a life of “more.” We discussed asking ourselves the right questions to identify the things that give our lives meaning and purpose. But, naming your desires and aspirations isn’t enough; to live a life of “more,” you need a plan to move toward those things or you’ll simply revisit your frustration and lack of fulfillment.
In his classic book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey calls this planning process “beginning with the end in mind.” He says you must “make a conscious effort to visualize who you are and what you want in life, then you empower other people and circumstances to shape you and your life by default.”
These days, the word discipline is out of favor. It smacks of other people’s rules being forced on us. But the idea of “empowering our circumstances” that Covey says will shape who we are, to attain what we want, begins by having life practices that accomplish those ends.
No one attains a great life, a life of “more,” through a grand Epiphone or by drifting through their days like the feather in Forrest Gump. In his book The Principle of the Path, author Andy Stanley says it this way: “We don’t drift in good directions. We discipline and prioritize ourselves there.” In other words, the end results of our lives are achieved by consistently doing the same things over and over. We must do more than simply set noble goals; we must establish life practices that will help us attain those things.
Life practices aren’t like New Year’s resolutions we promise ourselves then quit six weeks later because they’re too hard. They’re driven by our life priorities, the core values that we want to mark our lives and that dictate how we spend our time. Our life practices are informed by a personal, moral, and ethical code we apply long enough for them to become character traits and life habits.
For example, a friend of mine who grew up with a workaholic father wanted to have healthier relationships with his children than he’d experienced with his dad, so he made a life practice of being home (and mentally present) for family dinners when his kids were growing up. Recently, I met a man who has a life practice of “Ds” with his wife of 41 years – dialoging daily, date nights weekly, and destination trips annually – because he wants a rich marriage. Another friend of mine spends from 6:30 to 7:30 every morning in a Chick-Fil-A parking lot reading his bible and praying while he eats a chicken biscuit because he wants a thriving relationship with God.
These people aren’t crazy or obsessed; they’ve simply determined what’s most important to them and established life practices to help them get those things. Their lives may not be great models for you. Your priorities and wiring may be vastly different than theirs, but their pattern of life practices is something to consider copying if you want “more.”
Life practices aren’t just about daily habits either. It takes about seven weeks to establish a habit, but life practices also show up as consistent patterns in the mundane choices, unseen events, and occasional crises of our lives. The everyday moral, ethical, and personal choices you make when no one is looking (or you’re in your car) or when suddenly faced with a life-impacting decision add up. It’s the consistent patterns of our lives that determine whether we attain “more.”
In my work, I ask every client what she or he ultimately wants – I help them define the ultimate goals (destinations) they want for their work and their lives, then I help them determine the action steps (life practices) they will need to attain those goals. I focus on these because I know information doesn’t change us – consistent action does. The trick is to define and consistently take the right actions. To quote Andy Stanley, “Direction, not intention, determines our destination.”
Dr. Jim Bailey is a Knoxville native with passion for helping others maximize their lives and through his career, business, and leadership coaching services. He also mentors and serves in local youth and UT ministries. He can be reached at DrJimBailey.com.