By Brett Cafferty
Last week I was fortunate enough to have lunch out twice – once with an old friend and once with a new friend. I also got my fix of a Mexican food lunch as we just happened to have that both days! My friends are both professionals who work from home, and each one brought up how this affects them socially and with their connection to others.
One is a family man with grown children and a wife that works outside the home, so his days are pretty solitary. He lamented a bit on not having much face-to-face interaction with the “outside world.” The other friend is single and has worked remotely since the Covid days. A recent decision by HQ to “work from the office half the time” has turned out to be better than he had expected, as he is actually enjoying working with others in person again.
A recent sermon I heard referred to this as “the age of loneliness” in our culture. We hear about, and many of us experience, this increasing trend of feeling disconnected from others. Several statistics were given, and the one that stuck with me was that 70% of men state they don’t see friends enough.
I belong to a men’s group at church that meets every week, and although we don’t often talk about this, it seems very true. We may have a hundred acquaintances – colleagues, suppliers, customers, golf buddies, etc. – but the list of real friends is often very short, if there is a list at all.
This brought me to think about my own circles and the effort I have put into friend relationships throughout my adult life – and I realized it hadn’t been a lot. In today’s world, people move across the country, change jobs frequently, and don’t have “neighborhood friends” as much as I remember when I was growing up. With a job transfer to Knoxville, managing a small business, and raising our growing family, there didn’t seem to be the time or capacity for much else.
It becomes easier to keep your head down and do the things that “need to be done,” but in reality, we are made to be relational and need each other more than we are sometimes willing to admit. Men know that we gain strength from camaraderie and benefit from shared experiences, but it can be hard to make (or take) the time and give the effort to keep and make friends.
A month ago, out of the blue, I got a call – my childhood friend, Ron, decided to take action and initiate a phone call. Although we haven’t spoken in 20+ years, we had a great conversation about the old times in our Michigan neighborhood. During the call, we came to realize that we had both lost our parents in the past few years and had both lost our older (and only) brothers in the past year. Talk about common ground.
It was great to catch up, learn what has happened in each of our lives in the past decades… and a surprising “boost” that we were able to pick up and just talk after all this time. He took the first step to make the call, and it really floored me (for the good!), and I now plan to make the trip to visit him this year.
I think the lesson is simple – get out, step forward, engage, and be willing to invest time and energy in other men. You’ll both benefit. I work mainly from home and have gotten far too complacent and comfortable in my “lone wolf” routines. As always, this is also a reminder for me to take the initiative, reach out, and keep up with others. You never know how much it could mean to someone to hear from you. So again, do the right thing – make the call.