When Conflict Becomes a Conflict

Conflict occurs every day; in offices, homes, on vacation, and anywhere else you have people attempting to be in a relationship. Even though it’s common, rarely are people equipped to reach resolution. Often worse is an attempt to avoid conflict altogether, which typically prolongs the problem until it becomes an all out battle.

The most difficult situations tend to be discussed by everyone but the person involved. Often a meeting will be called to offer generic instruction to the group as a whole, when the person in conflict never realizes they are the culprit. Resolution has to be specific and one-on-one with the person or persons involved. Here are some suggestions:

1. Always deal first with emotion. If someone is angry the problem becomes secondary. Validate appropriate emotions before moving forward. “I understand you are upset, help me to understand how this affects you so that we can reach a consensus.” Then, as the leader, listen. Often, once they have “vented,” their anger reduces and the problem becomes easier to resolve. Often others simply want to be heard.

2. Give a commitment and get a commitment. Once you’ve acknowledged a problem and have a plan in place, then you are in a position to ask for something in return. “If I can get this done for you, can I trust that you are a team player and can move beyond this?”

3. Confront issues with a witness. Problems should never be dealt with unless a third party is present. To avoid “he said she said” always ensure someone who can be neutral is present as the discussion takes place and have that person take notes of the meeting and any decisions made.

4. Follow up in writing. Recalling a conversation later can be difficult, but if you have a letter summarizing the meeting and the action taken, that can become a part of the employee’s file and have all parties sign in agreement.

5. Solicit suggestions. Be proactive by not waiting! On many products today there is a toll free number to call with complaints or suggestions. That is because it is much easier to deal with suggestions than problems. Create an environment where others will contribute ideas and help eliminate bigger problems down the road.

6. Schedule regular reviews. Having a regularly scheduled time to review, reflect and plan is important in improving employee retention and loyalty. It’s also a good time to ask questions about how you as the leader can better serve them. It’s as important to know what a team member expects from you as a leader as it is to make known your expectations of that employee.

Conflict is a part of life, but dealing with it successfully is a skill rarely mastered. Take time to listen, ask the right questions, and deal with reality all at the same time. Once you’ve mastered it, conflict will become an opportunity to build great relationships and establish trust while earning the respect of others within your organization.

Beth Townsend is a dynamic freelance speaker and writer and can be reached at 865-851-4725 or at www.bethtownsend.com.